Help a sistah out lol

[Joann]

So the guy I'm seeing told me he doesn't want to celebrate his birthday this year (11/21). He said next year he does, but not this year. ...and for about a week he wouldn't tell me why.

Sunday night he told me it's because he was planning on going to New York with his now ex-girlfriend & he was going to propose to her. He said he'd rather forget the day this year.

What do you guys think about this? I want to celebrate it with him this year, but he's made it pretty well known that he just wants to forget about his birthday this year.

I'm interested in hearing opinions about this. Would any of you be upset if the person you've been seeing (only for a month) told you that they don't want to celebrate their birthday because of the reason I was given?

I technically know WHEN his birthday is. Should I go along with his wishes and forget about it with him? ...should I do something small? ...should I ignore his request?

[CubanYoshi]

Hold on, so a guy you are dating, is planning on proposing to his ex girlfriend? Weird

[type-j-spec]

i think you should come celebrate mine instead and yes when a guy says no it means no.

[ms. kat]

He was planning on proposing on his birthday last year obvious, so this year, he doesn't want to celebrate it.


I'd respect his wishes and not do anything huge, but I'd at least get him a card and a small cake just for the two of you.
He may not want a celebration, but deep down, I bet he doesn't want to be forgotten either.

[benzbitch]

just celebrate on the weekend. that way it isnt on his exact date and you still get to celebrate. make it low key that way he doesnt feel weird about remembering the ex.

[JamesH]

He was planning on proposing on his birthday last year obvious, so this year, he doesn't want to celebrate it.


I'd respect his wishes and not do anything huge, but I'd at least get him a card and a small cake just for the two of you.
He may not want a celebration, but deep down, I bet he doesn't want to be forgotten either.

i think she means he was planning on going this year with his ex to propose but they broke up before he got a chance so now he doesnt want to celebrate it. I may be wrong but thats what i thought when i read it.

Just take him out to dinner just you or him or something and then give him a birthday blow job.

[ms. kat]

i think she means he was planning on going this year with his ex to propose but they broke up before he got a chance so now he doesnt want to celebrate it. I may be wrong but thats what i thought when i read it.

Just take him out to dinner just you or him or something and then give him a birthday blow job.
Ah, probably.
Cake, dinner, just the two of you. He'll appreciate the gesture. No one likes to be forgotten on their birthday.

[Vito_Corleone]

Get him a hooker.

[Joann]

Hold on, so a guy you are dating, is planning on proposing to his ex girlfriend? Weird

They broke up in April 2006. Before they broke up they were planning a trip to New York to celebrate his birthday this year (2006). He was going to surprise her and propose to her on his birthday.

[Joann]

i think she means he was planning on going this year with his ex to propose but they broke up before he got a chance so now he doesnt want to celebrate it. I may be wrong but thats what i thought when i read it.

Just take him out to dinner just you or him or something and then give him a birthday blow job.

Yeah...that's what I meant.

A birthday blow job? That'll work. ;)

...and no, Colby. No hookers. :haha:

[juke]

I would let him be. Once you get into the mindset to propose marriage and it doesn't work...you don't really want to be reminded.

[Josh]

I would let him be. Once you get into the mindset to propose marriage and it doesn't work...you don't really want to be reminded.

you ain't kiddin.

[Cammo]

That whole situation sounds kinda fishy to me....but I could be wrong. Only dating a month isnt technically dating to me, it's just fucking. If he wants to propose to his ex then so be it. A low key/b-day bj would be just fine. Screw the cake let him eat it on his wedding day.

[Joann]

That whole situation sounds kinda fishy to me....but I could be wrong. Only dating a month isnt technically dating to me, it's just fucking. If he wants to propose to his ex then so be it. A low key/b-day bj would be just fine. Screw the cake let him eat it on his wedding day.

no no no...when he and his ex were together they were planning the trip. They have now been broken up since April of this year. He's now trying to not remember his birthday this year b/c this is when he was going to propose to her.

...his family is hounding him because he's going to be 27 & they think he should be "settled down" by now. He thought he would be making his family happy by proposing & settling down. Now it's a no-go b/c they broke up (with maybe a 1% chance of ever getting back together).

[Joann]

i think you should come celebrate mine instead and yes when a guy says no it means no.

When is yours? :haha:

I had something good planned, too.

[juke]

Joann, you are a very smart girl. It takes a whole lot to find someone you want to propose to, just make sure you don't get hurt.

[DJHeat05]

I wouldnt do much.... And when most of us say we dont want anything we mean it... Cook him dinner (dont think he wants to be in public) and a card and thats about it if I were you...

[BlackWind]

it would mean alot to me, even if i said i really didnt want them too, if my girl would at least maybe tell me on the special day"honey, i know you said you didnt want to do anything, but if you change your mind, i would love to take you out to dinner. You dont have to say yes, and its fine if you dont want to, i just wish i could do something for you"
That way, he knows you were still thinking about him, and you didnt forget, youaccept and respect his decision, and you really care for him.
Do what you think is best, he cant be mad at you for caring...

[Fatalia]

it would mean alot to me, even if i said i really didnt want them too, if my girl would at least maybe tell me on the special day"honey, i know you said you didnt want to do anything, but if you change your mind, i would love to take you out to dinner. You dont have to say yes, and its fine if you dont want to, i just wish i could do something for you"
That way, he knows you were still thinking about him, and you didnt forget, youaccept and respect his decision, and you really care for him.
Do what you think is best, he cant be mad at you for caring...

Oddly enough... I'm going to +1 this right here. :love:

[Kojak]

I would ignore his wishes and throw him a huge party with all his friends and family. Then again I don't give the best advice so I wouldn't listen to me if I was you.

[geoff]

you wont show up naked to his place with one of your friends. i garantee you that if you give him a three-some that he will forget about what happend between him and his ex.:)

[MianoSM]

Try to jam a letter opener through his sternum while he is sleeping on the morning of his birthday, that was the greatest gift I've ever gotten. ; )

I was thankful all day I was alive. : )

[Krazilyinlove712]

I would still do something small..a card..home mad cake...thats about it. just showing you care...

[Treysdad]

So if they were planning a trip to New York, why doesn't he just go anyway and take you. I'm not saying he ought to propose but hell, if the plans were made:dunno:

[Strangeholliday]

Honestly . when i say something i mean it. if I dont want to celebrate something, it'll just make me more annoyed that someone doesn't give a shit about what i think or say.

and if his ex gf is still in his head THAT much.. He shouldn't be dating anyone.recipe for distaster if you ask me.

[Tackleberry]

tell him "get the fuck over it, your done with that cunt and your with me now...now blow out your candle, eat your cupcake, and pull out your dick" :lol:

[Tackleberry]

Sounds like he isn't over her yet...

werd...its only been 6 months....and for someone he was going to propose to?? must have been major love for a good amount of time

[Jake]

it would mean alot to me, even if i said i really didnt want them too, if my girl would at least maybe tell me on the special day"honey, i know you said you didnt want to do anything, but if you change your mind, i would love to take you out to dinner. You dont have to say yes, and its fine if you dont want to, i just wish i could do something for you"
That way, he knows you were still thinking about him, and you didnt forget, youaccept and respect his decision, and you really care for him.
Do what you think is best, he cant be mad at you for caring...

Best response yet.. +1

[BareLy UgLy]

Honestly . when i say something i mean it. if I dont want to celebrate something, it'll just make me more annoyed that someone doesn't give a shit about what i think or say.

and if his ex gf is still in his head THAT much.. He shouldn't be dating anyone.recipe for distaster if you ask me.

makes sense

[BlackWind]

tackleberry gives good advice...

[Rdline1]

Birthday BJ FTW.

[adrian_302]

dump him, then come over and have sex with me :lol:

[Stealth]

He def. still has STRONG feelings for her... If I were you i would do something nice, but just don't mention the whole birthday thing...

Besides does anyone else find it weird that he wanted to propose on HIS birthday... Kinda like giving himself a present... " got ya now bitch "

[Joann]

werd...its only been 6 months....and for someone he was going to propose to?? must have been major love for a good amount of time

I'm sure he isn't totally over her...he says he is, but I know the truth. They were together for 2 years.

[Joann]

So if they were planning a trip to New York, why doesn't he just go anyway and take you. I'm not saying he ought to propose but hell, if the plans were made:dunno:

They were planning & saving for the trip together. ...they broke up and split the money that was saved.

[Joann]

He def. still has STRONG feelings for her... If I were you i would do something nice, but just don't mention the whole birthday thing...

Besides does anyone else find it weird that he wanted to propose on HIS birthday... Kinda like giving himself a present... " got ya now bitch "

I'm not disagreeing with you at all...but WHY do you say they're "STRONG" feelings? I'm honestly looking for an answer here.

I have the feeling she didnt want to marry him anyway...from what he's told me.

From what I understand things started going bad a year before they broke up...but he wanted to stay with her b/c his family was pressuring him to settle down. She cheated on him several times with a co-worker of hers & then they broke up. I'm not sure if she was aware of the planned proposal or not, to be honest.

[Alli]

i knew a guy a year ago who stubbornly said he didnt want to celebrate his birthday.. so he was really emo about it or w/e and i didnt really know him so i didn't plan on doing anything for him.. but then like a month later we started to date and he admitted that he wished someone had some SOMETHING.

So im with Modman on this one.

[Stealth]

.


IMO a reasonable thing to request not to do is go to New York and celebrate his birthday... But to not want to celebrate his birthday at all seems like his mind is still somewhere else, even though he would be spending his birthday with you... I would personally much rather go out and do something to get my mind off of an issue, but he is still so hung up on her that he would rather sit at home and dwell in his own self-loathing. It just seems llike he still has a very unhealthy attachment to his ex. Be sure to guard your heart girl...
Try to take things slow, it's never safe to enter into a relationship where the other party is still hung up on an ex.

[ms. kat]

IMO a reasonable thing to request not to do is go to New York and celebrate his birthday... But to not want to celebrate his birthday at all seems like his mind is still somewhere else, even though he would be spending his birthday with you... I would personally much rather go out and do something to get my mind off of an issue, but he is still so hung up on her that he would rather sit at home and dwell in his own self-loathing. It just seems llike he still has a very unhealthy attachment to his ex. Be sure to guard your heart girl...
Try to take things slow, it's never safe to enter into a relationship where the other party is still hung up on an ex.
+1 Excellent analysis.

[Stealth]

+1 Excellent analysis.

I can be on topic some times ;) :lol:

[Joann]

IMO a reasonable thing to request not to do is go to New York and celebrate his birthday... But to not want to celebrate his birthday at all seems like his mind is still somewhere else, even though he would be spending his birthday with you... I would personally much rather go out and do something to get my mind off of an issue, but he is still so hung up on her that he would rather sit at home and dwell in his own self-loathing. It just seems llike he still has a very unhealthy attachment to his ex. Be sure to guard your heart girl...
Try to take things slow, it's never safe to enter into a relationship where the other party is still hung up on an ex.

woah...you're good. thanks!

[Stealth]

woah...you're good. thanks!

Any time :D ( Psychology is kinda my hobby)
Glad I can help. :)

[Chuck 98 RT/10]

The guy has issues. Dump him. And do it on his birthday this year.

[Joann]

The guy has issues. Dump him. And do it on his birthday this year.

:haha: that's terrible!!!!!

[BlackWind]

well, if she cheated on him and abused there relationship, then he might not just be hung up on her, he might be ashamed as well, ashamed, hurt, and emberassed.That might be something you should ask him about.
Try washing his car, cleaning up for him, maybe cook him a meal or buy him something he has been needing, just dont do it on his birthday.
Do it a few days after and tell him you were thinking about him, so you wanted to do something nice.
Good luck Ms. Joann, this sounds tricky...

[Joann]

He and I spoke about this last night. He told me he isn't happy with where he is in his life right now. He moved back home (she kept the apartment) when they broke up. He's upset that he's living @ home on his 27th birthday, he wanted to have a degree by now, and a career to look forward to. He is a poker dealer @ the Tampa Bay Downs & has an office job at Verizon, too. He makes plenty of money...I don't totally understand the issue.

He told me he wishes I would respect his wishes & not celebrate his birthday this year and go on about my day on Nov. 21.

I told him it looks like he's caught up on his ex...he said he's over her, not the situation.

men. :rant:

[Strangeholliday]

He and I spoke about this last night. He told me he isn't happy with where he is in his life right now. He moved back home (she kept the apartment) when they broke up. He's upset that he's living @ home on his 27th birthday, he wanted to have a degree by now, and a career to look forward to. He is a poker dealer @ the Tampa Bay Downs & has an office job at Verizon, too. He makes plenty of money...I don't totally understand the issue.

He told me he wishes I would respect his wishes & not celebrate his birthday this year and go on about my day on Nov. 21.

I told him it looks like he's caught up on his ex...he said he's over her, not the situation.

men. :rant:

then hes obviously got other plans for his bday..

got whores?

your bf does .... on his bday.

[Chuck 98 RT/10]

He and I spoke about this last night. He told me he isn't happy with where he is in his life right now. He moved back home (she kept the apartment) when they broke up. He's upset that he's living @ home on his 27th birthday, he wanted to have a degree by now, and a career to look forward to. He is a poker dealer @ the Tampa Bay Downs & has an office job at Verizon, too. He makes plenty of money...I don't totally understand the issue.

He told me he wishes I would respect his wishes & not celebrate his birthday this year and go on about my day on Nov. 21.

I told him it looks like he's caught up on his ex...he said he's over her, not the situation.

men. :rant:

See? I told you he had issues.

[Strangeholliday]

See? I told you he had issues.

I told you dat nigga crazy.

[BERT-O]

He and I spoke about this last night. He told me he isn't happy with where he is in his life right now. He moved back home (she kept the apartment) when they broke up. He's upset that he's living @ home on his 27th birthday, he wanted to have a degree by now, and a career to look forward to. He is a poker dealer @ the Tampa Bay Downs & has an office job at Verizon, too. He makes plenty of money...I don't totally understand the issue.

He told me he wishes I would respect his wishes & not celebrate his birthday this year and go on about my day on Nov. 21.

I told him it looks like he's caught up on his ex...he said he's over her, not the situation.

men. :rant:


f*ck it! Move on and let him be.

It sounds like he's unsure on what exactly he wants. Maybe his "ex" gave him happiness and joy of life when they where together. You being there, is giving him comfort but he's not ready for you. Honestly, you are going to get hurt if you stay w/ this guy.

He has more issues going through his head than you may not know.

Then again, this is another way of telling you to "lets move on",,,,,,but on a nicer level.

Dunno<shurgs>

[AmandaR]

he should want to make a new FUN memory for his birthday .. one to think about next year and go.. wow.. i was with the best gf joann on my birthday this year and it rocked.

no sense in dwelling on the past and a shity relationship. he should embrace this one and make good memories to remember.

but then agian... i LOVE birthdays and i like to make them special for just about anyone even if they dont like it or want to.. i dont care. haha

[ms. kat]

Joann, sorry to say girl, but you're wasting your time with this one. Get out now before you start developing real love for him.
He is NOT over her no matter what he says.
Listen to the guys here, they know what they are talking about. It's spot on.

[Joann]

Amanda..I thought the same. It's like, he could have told me, "I'm SO glad I'm not getting engaged to that hooker that cheated on me & I'm with you this year" or something. ...but it was the complete opposite pretty much.

I love birthdays, too. I was going to take him to dinner, make a cake (I love to bake) & then buy him one of those Blu-Ray DVD players. (he mentioned wanting one)


I told him last night that he can either celebrate his birthday (willingly) with me...or come talk to me when he's completely over her & the situation. He told me he didn't like ultimatums. I backed down. I know ultimatums aren't the best idea.

I think tonight I'm just going to end it. We'll see how it goes.

[Strangeholliday]

the thing that sucks for you joann.. Is that if his ex EVER wants to get back with him. Even for a second. he'll dump your ass in a split second and throw you in the corner.

and nobody puts baby in the corner..

[BlackWind]

and nobody puts baby in the corner..

Edit"...and lives..."

[Stealth]

I think tonight I'm just going to end it. We'll see how it goes.


Good luck. :)

[AmandaR]

Amanda..I thought the same. It's like, he could have told me, "I'm SO glad I'm not getting engaged to that hooker that cheated on me & I'm with you this year" or something. ...but it was the complete opposite pretty much.

I love birthdays, too. I was going to take him to dinner, make a cake (I love to bake) & then buy him one of those Blu-Ray DVD players. (he mentioned wanting one)


I told him last night that he can either celebrate his birthday (willingly) with me...or come talk to me when he's completely over her & the situation. He told me he didn't like ultimatums. I backed down. I know ultimatums aren't the best idea.

I think tonight I'm just going to end it. We'll see how it goes.

i think that is the best thing to do. and its not really like an ultimatum i dont think. either hes 100% in it or he isnt. nothing you can do about it. you just want to spend a nice evening together. i dont know though.. im single haha

[thereturnofdark]

They broke up in April 2006. Before they broke up they were planning a trip to New York to celebrate his birthday this year (2006). He was going to surprise her and propose to her on his birthday.

honest opinion....break up with the guy. he obviously hasn't gotten over his ex yet which equals problems...... if he's to the point where he doesn't even want to celebrate his own birthday then he is obviously still in the healing stages and honestly, unless you are just dating and have no plan of a relationship, i wouldn't pursue any more than a freinds with benefits type of deal.....

[Joann]

I just talked to him and I told him, "You might be with me...and you might hate her and be over her...but you're clearly not over the situation or your relationship with her."

Of course I got the usual, "we'll talk about this tonight/later".

[thereturnofdark]

Joann, sorry to say girl, but you're wasting your time with this one. Get out now before you start developing real love for him.
He is NOT over her no matter what he says.
Listen to the guys here, they know what they are talking about. It's spot on.

ya know what i hate....when i enter a thread and then end up saying stuff that a few people already said already :lol: . damn that grinds my gears.

[ms. kat]

It happens...:lol:

[Joann]

Thanks for everything, guys.

[Strangeholliday]

Thanks for everything, guys.

sorry.. if you ever want to fuck about this.. just pm me..

[thereturnofdark]

I just talked to him and I told him, "You might be with me...and you might hate her and be over her...but you're clearly not over the situation or your relationship with her."

Of course I got the usual, "we'll talk about this tonight/later".

yah i've used that a ton of times....but i like how you handled the situation. the truth is there is no use in wasting time on a dead end.......in a situation like this. DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT give him a chance to "plead his case" so to speak. tell him how you feel, what's going to happen, then properly say goodbye. honestly that's worked the best in my past experiences, when i used it and when women used it on me.

*side story*
when i was dating this white woman for about 5 months, very very beautiful, she took me out one day for the whole day we went to busch gardens and she paid fo everything, afterwards we went to dinner and then hung out at the beach and even did it a few times. she wrote me an email telling me how it was one of the best times of her life blah blah, then broke up with me....... :lol: i wasn't as much heartbroken as i was dumbfounded. i didn't sulk either like "wondering what i did wrong" cuz things were going perfectly.......obviously not. till this day i don't know what the hell happened.

[thereturnofdark]

It happens...:lol:

:nono: yah but i wanna be the first person to say something cool and informative that everyone quotes and agrees with by adding emoticons like this :werd: after their responses.....i want attention!!!!!!!!! lol j/k

[ms. kat]

:lmao: We can't all be winners.

[christianlooney]

Sorry to say but don't get to attached to this one. You really think a rebound after a thought out proposal is gonna last..that is the worst kind of rebound relationship out there. you are setting yourself up to be hurt be careful lady.
I would be happy with bday bjob so good luck

[Joann]

Sorry to say but don't get to attached to this one. You really think a rebound after a thought out proposal is gonna last..that is the worst kind of rebound relationship out there. you are setting yourself up to be hurt be careful lady.
I would be happy with bday bjob so good luck

lol...didn't your mother ever teach you not to call a woman "lady" :haha:

[Joann]

sorry.. if you ever want to fuck about this.. just pm me..

:haha: I just caught that!

[Joann]

Well, it looks like I wont even have to fight the battle. I didn't speak to him after 2pm yesterday. Today he sent me text's saying he was assuming I'm still pissed & that he really thinks I'm mad about his birthday because I like to shower my men with gifts & he wont let me do that for his birthday.

He's clueless.

Oh well...thanks y'all

[TampaTraps]

.

I was going to take him to dinner, make a cake (I love to bake)



you lie, and i have proof, the fact that we lived together for one year and you never baked for me once, infact i cooked you breakfast once, i know those where the fluffiest eggs you've ever had.

[Joann]

you lie, and i have proof, the fact that we lived together for one year and you never baked for me once, infact i cooked you breakfast once, i know those where the fluffiest eggs you've ever had.

You never came out of your room! I never cooked @ Kahunas b/c our oven didn't work, Loserface!!

Fluffiest eggs for sure. Those were magical eggs.

I used to bake cakes, cookies & pies on Eldon Drive all the time.

[Jeff]

Good thing he waited. :lol:

I'd stay away from anything birthday related, as he asked. Guys like him are pretty touchy when it comes to sentimental shit like this. It's obvious he's still a little hurt over the whole incident. Respect what he asked, no cake, no small bullshit, no card. Just say Happy Bday dear, and leave it at that.

[neonnight34609]

i vote for breaking up with him .. there are alots of great guys out there that will be true to u ;) hint hint hahaha

[Joann]

Good thing he waited. :lol:

I'd stay away from anything birthday related, as he asked. Guys like him are pretty touchy when it comes to sentimental shit like this. It's obvious he's still a little hurt over the whole incident. Respect what he asked, no cake, no small bullshit, no card. Just say Happy Bday dear, and leave it at that.

Alright...you know I'm a little slow. Good thing he waited for what?

[Duceanahalf]

He needs some of this.