Best Friend HATES Your BF/GF! [Archive]

LilBit

11-03-2006, 12:24 PM

Ok… say there is an ex boy/girlfriend of yours that you have history with. Been together on and off for a couple years and you love this person more than anything or anyone. Well, I’m back talking to my ex again and my best friend HATES him. I mean, she is allowed to have her own opinion of whoever she wants but she calls him names and talks down about him to me. Don’t you think the friend should show you a lil more respect and let you make your own decisions? I don’t know what to do and I REALLY won’t know what to do if she makes me chose between them.

Treysdad

11-03-2006, 12:26 PM

Please see post below. Vito Corleone has opened my eyes to a world I have never known :love:

Vito_Corleone

11-03-2006, 12:30 PM

:lmao:

God I love being right.

ms. kat

11-03-2006, 12:30 PM

You need to be honest with her how this makes you feel. A true friend will understand . They may be pissed for a little bit, but then they will see that they made a mistake and hurt your feelings by saying this stuff.
Make sure to use 'I' statements.
IE: 'I' feel really bad and hurt when you say bad things about my friend. It makes 'me" feel like you don't think I can make good judgements of people on my own and 'I' would really like it if you could not say these things about him. It's ok if you do feel that way, but 'I' feel hurt when you say them.

Graves

11-03-2006, 12:31 PM

Maybe it's just brutal honesty. Sometimes people are blinded by what people do to them for the sake of them still being in love with their ex. Remember they were your ex for some reason.

Vito_Corleone

11-03-2006, 12:31 PM

Treysdad

11-03-2006, 12:38 PM

No, she shouldn't respect your decisions if they are stupid. And if you don't know who to choose between them, that's pretty sad.

Actually, you're right. What the fuck was I thinking. An ex is an ex for a reason as Chris said and it's possible her friend is looking out for her, most likely definite. Damn Colby, I have to get back to work because I am for sure losing my fucking mind if I am agreeing with you about ANYTHING that has to do with relationships :lol:

Vito_Corleone

11-03-2006, 12:43 PM

Damn Colby, I have to get back to work because I am for sure losing my fucking mind if I am agreeing with you about ANYTHING that has to do with relationships :lol:

For real.:lmao:

But on a serious note, I know Jamie pretty well, and I know about her ex, and I'll say flat out that she's an idiot for talking to him again. Her friend is right.

LilBit

11-03-2006, 12:44 PM

No, she shouldn't respect your decisions if they are stupid. And if you don't know who to choose between them, that's pretty sad.

You're the absolute last person I would listen to when it comes to relationships.
And I never said I didn't know how to chose between them. I said I wouldn't know how to handle the situation because that would be wrong for her to even do. Let me know when you mature Colby and stop treating females like shit and then *maybe* I'll listen to what you have to say.

ms. kat

11-03-2006, 12:44 PM

But that is her decision, not yours. Everybody has to make mistakes and learn from them on their own. A true friend would say their peace once and back off and allow you to fuck it up and then be there for you when the shit hits the fan.

LilBit

11-03-2006, 12:46 PM

I know Jamie pretty well

Just because you know me better than anyone else on the site doesn't mean you know me "pretty well" but good try.

LilBit

11-03-2006, 12:47 PM

Vito_Corleone

11-03-2006, 12:49 PM

You're the absolute last person I would listen to when it comes to relationships.
And I never said I didn't know how to chose between them. I said I wouldn't know how to handle the situation because that would be wrong for her to even do. Let me know when you mature Colby and stop treating females like shit and then *maybe* I'll listen to what you have to say.

Whoa. I don't know where all this hostility came from...

dbthump

11-03-2006, 12:49 PM

... I know about her ex, and I'll say flat out that she's an idiot for talking to him again. Her friend is right.

If your friend has watched you cry over this guy, been there for you when you've called after a fight, felt your pain when he made you hurt...

What do you expect. Your friend cares for you, and if you go back, that hurts her more than you care. Perhaps you're being selfish, not that you need permission...

Mars_302

11-03-2006, 01:01 PM

so why are so off again on again with this ex?

MtuRbo2

11-03-2006, 01:09 PM

hmm...

best thing you can do is have a threesome with your friend and ex. that will resolve all of your issues.

thereturnofdark

11-03-2006, 01:19 PM

If your friend has watched you cry over this guy, been there for you when you've called after a fight, felt your pain when he made you hurt...

What do you expect. Your friend cares for you, and if you go back, that hurts her more than you care. Perhaps you're being selfish, not that you need permission...

first off the thread title is misleading because you says "Best friend hated your BF/GF" get this guy is your EX also if your fighting with the decision as to whether to choose between having a friend who has been there for you for quite a while and an ex-boyfriend who obviously became your ex for a reason(yet you still love him more than anything :nono:) then you have real issues. Honestly maybe if you share more information for example what was the nature of your break-up with this guy? what relationship/interactions has your friend had with this guy? what is the REAL reason that you so conveniently forgot to mention as to why your best friend hates this guy?

Clint

11-03-2006, 01:25 PM

She just knows how much he has hurt you when things went wrong before, and doesnt want to see her friend go into a situation that has such great potential for a broken heart.

At least thats how I see it..

AmandaR

11-03-2006, 02:02 PM

they are only doing it bc they were around probably when at some point you hated you ex as well. they dont like to see you hurt and see from your past maybe he had hurt you.

there really is not want to have them stop doing it unless you flat out say.. stop it. i know yes this and that happen and what not BUT you like him or want to talk to him blah blah blah and have them deal with it. ive been there before. its not fun. but one day i just had to say.. your going to give me shit and thats fine BUT its what i want to do.. and either be happy about it.. or pretend to be for my sake.

LilBit

11-03-2006, 02:35 PM

what is the REAL reason that you so conveniently forgot to mention as to why your best friend hates this guy?

He was a mutual friend between my best friend and her husband. He sided with the husband so she feels like he betrayed her. Something that has nothing to do with me. I titled it like that because my ex and I will probably get back together...
And everyone keeps saying he is my ex for a reason blah blah, please, tell me how to fall out of love with some and I promise I will get right to it.

AmandaR

11-03-2006, 02:38 PM

tell me how to fall out of love with some and I promise I will get right to it.

ultimatly you have to do what makes you happy. forget everyone else!!

Graves

11-03-2006, 02:40 PM

And everyone keeps saying he is my ex for a reason blah blah, please, tell me how to fall out of love with some and I promise I will get right to it.

You never fall out of love with someone you truely care for, but you can fall in love with someone else who cares for you and has your heart. If we never fell out of love we'd be stuck with the same girl/guy you fell for the rest of your life.

Topless T/A

11-03-2006, 02:42 PM

can we get an anti-drama smily please?...why people insist on making their lives as complicated as possible is beyond me.

thereturnofdark

11-03-2006, 03:52 PM

And everyone keeps saying he is my ex for a reason blah blah, please, tell me how to fall out of love with some and I promise I will get right to it.
From your perspective........
I mean noone is saying to "fall out of love" but honestly it's just called growing up, maturing, and moving on. this one girl i was with off and on for about 3 years, i love her to death honestly, but we came to the agreement just recently that we just can't be together. we did the same thing you and your ex did, playing the whole "make-up/break-up" game. I still love her too, and she does me, but we have learned to move on. If you guys were together and broke up all those times before what makes you think this time will be different. here is a phrase by albert einstien "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." In the end it's all about your maturity level in handling situations.

From your friends perspective.......
Honestly i'll stick by my friends till the end, but if they keep doing stupid shit that they know will hurt themselves, then it will cause my tolerance level to drop to 0. Maybe your friend's tolerance is slowly dropping. not saying that you're being selfish, but if they're really your friend then to some degree their feelings have to bee considered, i mean people SAY that friendships are more important the regular relationships, but they don't look at a friendship as a "relationship" and i think that is what causes alot of situations like this.

Clint

11-03-2006, 04:03 PM

From your perspective........
I mean noone is saying to "fall out of love" but honestly it's just called growing up, maturing, and moving on. this one girl i was with off and on for about 3 years, i love her to death honestly, but we came to the agreement just recently that we just can't be together. we did the same thing you and your ex did, playing the whole "make-up/break-up" game. I still love her too, and she does me, but we have learned to move on. If you guys were together and broke up all those times before what makes you think this time will be different. here is a phrase by albert einstien "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." In the end it's all about your maturity level in handling situations.

From your friends perspective.......
Honestly i'll stick by my friends till the end, but if they keep doing stupid shit that they know will hurt themselves, then it will cause my tolerance level to drop to 0. Maybe your friend's tolerance is slowly dropping. not saying that you're being selfish, but if they're really your friend then to some degree their feelings have to bee considered, i mean people SAY that friendships are more important the regular relationships, but they don't look at a friendship as a "relationship" and i think that is what causes alot of situations like this.
Yeah, I agree with some of the points you make, as a friend of someone who was in an on again/off again relationship, I felt like I was about to go postal on them both. I was looking for another place to live at one point because it was such a stressful situation to be around..

MommysHuga

11-03-2006, 04:06 PM

well my bestfriend, well lets just say i despise her SO.. she knows it and he knows it but i always tell her what ever she decides to do i am her for her and if she is your best friend and shoule be there for you no matter what.

number_2

11-03-2006, 06:51 PM

please, tell me how to fall out of love with some and I promise I will get right to it.

well the first step is to not keep talking to him. it's completely possible to get over someone you once loved, people just choose to believe it's not 'cause it's easier than actually sucking it up and walking away. don't allow yourself to be so melodramatic... "but i still love him" is an excuse for weakness.

1BADP71

11-03-2006, 07:31 PM

well the first step is to not keep talking to him. it's completely possible to get over someone you once loved, people just choose to believe it's not 'cause it's easier than actually sucking it up and walking away. don't allow yourself to be so melodramatic... "but i still love him" is an excuse for weakness.

+1

ms. kat

11-03-2006, 08:15 PM

I still love him is an excuse for weakness?

To me, love is a very powerful emotion and it's not always so cut and dry, walk away easy.

Joann

11-03-2006, 08:40 PM

I still love him is an excuse for weakness?

To me, love is a very powerful emotion and it's not always so cut and dry, walk away easy.

very well said :thumbup:

number_2

11-03-2006, 11:40 PM

i didn't say it was easy and i didn't say it was painless, i said it can be done. it is as cut and dry as that.

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 12:12 AM

I see what you're saying, I just don't see love as a weakness. Having known it, I see it as a strength.

number_2

11-04-2006, 12:26 AM

in this case it's an excuse to make a bad decision.

Josh

11-04-2006, 07:45 AM

I still love him is an excuse for weakness?

To me, love is a very powerful emotion and it's not always so cut and dry, walk away easy.

bingo.

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 09:16 AM

in this case it's an excuse to make a bad decision.

That I would agree with, still being in love with him is causing her to make a bad decision. Her heart is coming before her head.
But see? Love is not weak, it's stronger than our heads most of the time. ;)

LilBit

11-04-2006, 09:20 AM

I still love him is an excuse for weakness?

To me, love is a very powerful emotion and it's not always so cut and dry, walk away easy.

Thanks.. Exactly what I was thinkin. When people make like its so easy, that shows me they have never actaully felt it. I have tried to move on... two, almost three, years later... we still care about eachother as much as we always did. Just makes me wonder why we keep coming back to eachother after everything we have been through. A love this strong... I think its worth the risk. Anyway... my friend is still a little upset but things are better... and him and I are going really well.

Treysdad

11-04-2006, 09:27 AM

That I would agree with, still being in love with him is causing her to make a bad decision. Her heart is coming before her head.
But see? Love is not weak, it's stronger than our heads most of the time. ;)

That's the problem with women. Always thinking with their heart :nono:

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 09:28 AM

Oh shut up Jimmy. At least we women have hearts. You cold cruel bastards.

Treysdad

11-04-2006, 09:34 AM

Oh shut up Jimmy. At least we women have hearts. You cold cruel bastards.

Hey, I have feelings. I just so happen to use common sense and what my brain tells me before I go with what I feel. That does not make me cold and cruel and definitely not a bastard. Yeah, i'm an asshole at times but that's because I use the tools available to me to not get myself hurt so shoot me why don't you :roll:

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 09:38 AM

Hey, I have feelings. I just so happen to use common sense and what my brain tells me before I go with what I feel. That does not make me cold and cruel and definitely not a bastard. Yeah, i'm an asshole at times but that's because I use the tools available to me to not get myself hurt so shoot me why don't you :roll:

I think you have forgotten who you're talking to. Do I need to start putting /sarcasm at teh end of my posts now?

I'm the first person these days to over analyze everything. I no longer jump in heart first to anything. I think every move through into tedious detail.

Treysdad

11-04-2006, 09:50 AM

I think you have forgotten who you're talking to. Do I need to start putting /sarcasm at teh end of my posts now?

I guess I need to do the same :lol:

Not to fret, she'll be back in a few months, maybe a year or so cause she will try to make it work, because she feels so strongly about her feelings for this guy and post how he was an asshole and that he had his last and final chance. They always do. Always. Then a couple years down the road, she will post one more time that he is a changed person. He's different, she can tell. It's sad really that people don't learn from their mistakes in this day and age :nono:

number_2

11-04-2006, 10:39 AM

That I would agree with, still being in love with him is causing her to make a bad decision. Her heart is coming before her head.
But see? Love is not weak, it's stronger than our heads most of the time. ;)

i don't know about you, but when i hear "weakness," i imagine succumbing to a strong outside force...

Josh

11-04-2006, 10:45 AM

:popcorn:

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 10:47 AM

But you said "I still love him is a sign of weakness" implying that she is weak, not that the outside force is stronger.

There are naturally strong people who don't ever give in to things, emotions, games, temptation. There are naturally weak people, those are the ones that get walked on.

Clint

11-04-2006, 10:54 AM

since when is love an outside force?

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 10:57 AM

since when is love an outside force?

Excellent point.

...mikey

11-04-2006, 11:34 AM

Your friends opinion doesn't mean shit.

It's your life. Live it yourself.

Keep him out of conversations, and if she brings him up, tell her you don't want to talk about it with her.

Cammo

11-04-2006, 12:01 PM

I dated a girl once where her friend didn't like me...Sure enough I guess her friend did some mighty fine persuading and needless to say that was the end of our relationship.

LilBit

11-04-2006, 12:05 PM

That's the problem with women. Always thinking with their heart :nono:

In comparison to guys thinking with their dicks? :roll:

LilBit

11-04-2006, 12:08 PM

Keep him out of conversations, and if she brings him up, tell her you don't want to talk about it with her.

Sounds good to me...

Treysdad

11-04-2006, 01:27 PM

In comparison to guys thinking with their dicks? :roll:

Actually if you knew me, you would bit eyour tongue. I think with my brain and past experience, not with my dick. If I did that, I could get laid every other day. Life itself is the best professor :dunno:

Jeff

11-04-2006, 06:21 PM

This guy is your ex for a reason. Whatever that may be, you are incompatible. Break things off with him for good. It will cause you less pain in the end. I've made this mistake countless times because I thought I was in love with someone. It did nothing but cause me pain.

ms. kat

11-04-2006, 06:32 PM

But again, this is a lesson she has to learn on her own.
Her question was what to do about her friend saying shit about the ex, not should she or shouldn't she, get back with him. She's already made that decision and good or bad outcome, it is her decision to make.

martz0r

11-04-2006, 07:07 PM

Make sure to use 'I' statements.
IE: 'I' feel really bad and hurt when you say bad things about my friend. It makes 'me" feel like you don't think I can make good judgements of people on my own and 'I' would really like it if you could not say these things about him. It's ok if you do feel that way, but 'I' feel hurt when you say them.

You forgot one.